Lights Out!
by GlassSuicune
Summary: Reve knew caving into that crazy woman's demands would lead to some kind of disaster. He just knew it. And yet, he caved in anyway. But still...Christmas decorating? Seriously? Operation This Will Likely End Badly is at go. Late Christmas special. PSZero.


Lights Out! by GlassSuicune

Note: I don't own Phantasy Star! What the pineapple gave you that idea? O.o I do own Elpizo, Waffle, Quirky, and Leviathan. Anyways, this was inspired by Home Improvement and other Christmas decoration disaster works. Please remain seated while the project is in motion.

Reve stared long and hard at the picture of Santa Claus resting ever-so-casually on his desk.

Santa, for whatever reason, chose to stare back.

Reve then tore his gaze away from the jolly old man, instead focusing on just how in Bananaville the picture, and all the other Christmas decorations for that matter, made it into his room. Realization dawned on him, and his eyes narrowed as the image of the blonde-haired, pink-clad Newman whom he never, ever liked as a child came into his mind.

Her name was Elpizo, or as Reve liked to call her, the Destroyer of Worlds.

Elpizo was normally a snappy, cynical, and haughty woman who questioned everyone but the mayor's authority on a daily basis. But whenever one of Earth's many, _many_ holidays ( plus Halloween; Reve could never figure out just _where_ that one placed) approached, Elpizo's brain snapped and she went on a constant 'Insert-Holiday's-Name-Here' sugar-high, spreading the cheer everywhere, annoying plenty of people in the process. Especially him. Her antics never ended well, either...

Like the Easter Bunny incident...

_"LEMME GO!" the panicked Newman boy shrieked, as a ginormous Easter Bunny had sneak-hugged him while he was walking down the hallway. The other children watched the whole scene in absolute terror, some of the younger going as far as crying. The Easter Bunny realized this and let the boy go, allowing him to run down the hallway screaming for his mom. The fluffy monstrosity then approached the other children, who were backing away in fear. "Don't be afraid!" a feminine voice cried from underneath the permanent smile of the mask, "It's me, Elpizo! Here..." Elpizo then removed the Easter Bunny's head, allowing her own head to be seen._

_This...did not go well with the children, who ran away screaming that the evil bunny had eaten Elpizo alive, and she had ripped its head off from the inside._

_ "Wait!" Elpizo cried, "It's me! Nothing ate me! COME BACK!" She went to run after them, when she was met with Reve standing in front of her with an intense glare, whilst crossing his arms over his chest. "Elpizo..." he managed, trying so hard to sound calm, "What...are you doing?" Elpizo grinned sheepishly. "Um..." she started, "Quite obviously I'm hugging people! Want a chocolate bunny?" She held said chocolate bunny in front of Reve. He was not amused._

And the Grim Reaper incident...

_Sarisa was just walking down a street in the city, minding her own business, when suddenly, a shadow appeared behind her. "Who is it-AGH!" Sarisa screamed, running away from the cloaked figure with a skull for a face, and a scythe, "GET AWAY FROM ME!" The cloaked figure laughed __maniacally as it pursued Sarisa, who was screaming for help. The other townspeople were staring at the odd scene, but shrugged it off. It was Halloween, after all._

_Now, this whole thing would've ended on a less-disastrous note had Kai and Ogi not heard Sarisa._

_ It was obvious the Human and CAST weren't freaking out, but they decided to foil the culprit's plans to scare Sarisa, and everybody else anyway. However, their idea didn't really work. To this day, no one knows exactly what happened, but they did know that a Jack-O-Lantern spontaneously combusted, Ogi managed to go flying into a china store ( it was not pretty), Kai had tackled the Grim Reaper, they crashed into a pole which some ropes holding a truckload of pumpkins were tied to, and a stampede of pumpkins bounced and rolled throughout the city, flattening a bunch of people including Reve, who had come down to Earth for whatever reason._

_ Kai and Sarisa rose from the pumpkins, the stampede having ended ( it had conveniently crashed and splattered against a hard stone wall). Kai then reached down into the splattered and whole pumpkins, pulling the Grim Reaper out of it. "Now we find out who you really are!" he cried over-dramatically, ripping the mask off, revealing..._

"_Elllllpiiiiizooooooo!"_

_Well, everyone heard Reve scream that day._

And those were just Elpizo's most famous 'adventures'.

Oh yes...this month was going to end on a disastrous note, Reve could feel it.

"Hey Reve!"

_'Oh no...'_ Reve immediately thought, turning to face Elpizo, who had literally come out of nowhere, "What do you want? And are you responsible for all this..._stuff_ in my room?" Elpizo suddenly pouted in response. "I'm shocked at how quickly you accuse me!" she cried, "But if it makes you feel better, yes. Yes I am."

"Then get rid of it!"

"You mean I have to clean up _my_ mess that ended up in _your_ room? That's not fair!"

Reve then chose to stare into Elpizo's emerald green eyes, trying to dig into her mind and find out just what had infected it with this stupidity. Elpizo, unwilling to miss a moment to freak him out, opened and closed her jaw in a biting motion, right near his nose. Reve blinked stupidly, and promptly backed away from her. "Anyways, I came here to ask you for a favour..." Elpizo started after a rather awkward silence, and Reve immediately answered, "No."

"But I haven't-"

"No."

"Just let me-"

"No."

"Can't you-"

"No."

"I just want-"

"NO!"

Elpizo then stared at her fellow Newman in disbelief, wondering why he refused to let her say anything. She then opened to her mouth to speak again, and was met with a swift, "No," once more. She then contemplated the matter, trying to find a way to get her message across. Finally, she got an idea, and pulled a gingerbread cookie out of her pocket. Reve watched her warily as she unwrapped the clear wrap surrounding said cookie. "Now listen..." Elpizo started...

"No-GAH!"

While Reve was busy trying to pry out the cookie which was so conveniently jammed into his mouth, Elpizo quickly said her request, "I entered a Christmas lights contest, and my brother Waffle got into a big accident involving Rudolph and Santa Claus' head elf, and now can't help with the decorating. I need an extra hand! So... I was wondering if you could help us."

The first response she got was Reve spitting the cookie out of his mouth in all its now partially chewed glory, followed by, "Are you _insane_?"

"Is that your trademark 'No', or a 'Yes'?" Elpizo asked, boredom in her voice. Reve glared daggers at her, but she seemed undaunted. "Let me think..." Reve said in a mocking tone, then his tone really turned sour, "_No_."

"But Reve!"

"No."

"Please?"

"I said no, woman!"

"Come on..."

"N. O. NO!"

"You're the most boring guy ever to grace this galaxy."

"And I intend to stay that way, thank you very much."

And with that, Reve stormed into his room and slammed the door shut, leaving Elpizo alone in the hallway. She stood there stupified, ignoring the stares she was getting from other people who were walking down it.

_An hour later..._

For whatever reason, Elpizo was still standing in front of the door, a fact Reve discovered when he attempted to leave his room. "Gah!" he shrieked, "You're still here?" Elpizo then gave him an expression that clearly said 'No duh, Sherlock'. Afterwards, her gaze morphed into a more condescending one, and a haughty smirk crept upon her face. "Listen pal," she started, holding nothing back, "I could wait here for _hours_. I'm a _very_ patient woman."

"...Why me...?"

"Because you're the only other person in this galaxy I'd dare to inconvenience with this. Besides, you need a little fun and cheer in your life!"

"Santa Claus with a heavy sack that could knock a person out cold, exploding Christmas lights, melting Frosties, slippery ice on a rooftop, possibly causing power-shortages, and bright lights that could blind a person and probably land a spaceship are not my idea of fun and cheer. Go take your insane shenanigans to somebody else! Somebody who's crazy enough to help!"

And with that, Reve went back into his room and slammed the door again. Elpizo blinked stupidly. "Well, that's kinda redundant." she commented. She then hummed to herself, rocking back and forth a little while standing. After a few minutes, Reve opened the door again. "...You win..." he conceded, realizing there was nothing he could do to make Elpizo go away, "...Do your absolute worst..." Elpizo grinned, grabbed him, and ran off to the teleporter to Earth, despite him screaming at her to either let go of his arm or slow down.

_Later (insert epic music here)..._

Ignoring the three CASTs just staring at him ( the roof was a forbidden land for them), Reve carefully climbed up the ladder and onto the roof after Elpizo had done so, wondering just what in Bananaville he had gotten himself into. The three androids shrugged off the unexpected appearance of Reve and went back to decorating the yard, the icy blue-armoured female managing to get herself tangled in all of the lights. "Ogi! Quirky! HELP!" she shrieked, "I'm being eaten while activated by Christmas lights!" Ogi and the black-armoured male immediately went to her rescue. "Don't worry Leviathan!" Quirky cried, "We'll save you!"

Leaving the three to their devices, Elpizo looked at Kai and Sarisa, who were busy staring at Reve. "Don't ask," Elpizo quickly said, "Now, what's the status?" The two stared at her, but didn't question. "Well..." Kai started, picking up what looked like the melted remains of a decoration, "Frosty the Snowman melted... Because _someone_ had the power to the max..." He then glared at Ogi, who looked up from the still tangled Leviathan and said defensively, "I was not told that it would overheat and melt like that."

Elpizo took a long moment to comprehend this information. "Frosty...melted?" she questioned. "It was like he suffered a meltdown or something," Kai explained, "There was so much power going to him, that the light-bulb pretty much dissolved him from the inside. Look, I saw it the ending of it. There was nothing I could do. I'm sorry."

"Well... We're going to need to replace him, then... Sarisa, seen anything?"

"Well, the mayor has just blown up a huge Frosty inflatable," Sarisa answered, "It feels like he's doing this to mock us for our loss..." Elpizo stared at Sarisa in horror. "Who what how when where and why?" she stuttered, "GIMME THAT!" She then swiped the binoculars from Sarisa's hands and saw the ginormous Frosty for herself. "That little..." she breathed, looking mad as all get out.

"Wait wait wait!" Reve suddenly cried, "Put on the brakes! You're competing with the _mayor_? THE MAYOR?" Elpizo then looked at him in annoyance. "Yes we are." she replied sourly.

"Is_ nobody_ safe from your insanity?"

"No, not really. Now make yourself useful, will you? Fix that Rudolph and head elf!"

Elpizo then shoved a toolbox in front of Reve, pointing to the Rudolph and head elf decorations, which Reve figured were the ones Waffle had the accident with, as they weren't in very good shape. He sighed, and carefully walked across the roof to his fate, carrying the toolbox. As could be expected, he slipped on some strategically placed ice and went flying off the roof, landing right on his back.

"Are you okay?" Quirky asked, bending down to help Reve get up. Reve was too busy trying to catch his breath to answer. "Oi!" Elpizo suddenly cried from atop the roof, "If you're gonna goof off, at least embrace the kid in you and make a snow angel!" Reve resisted the urge to look up at her and glare. "I will not!" he snapped, looking very offended. "Sheesh, you're a boring guy." Leviathan stated plainly, now free of the lights. Reve grumbled at her and slowly stood up, his body aching. He then walked to the ladder and began climbing it, whilst continuing his grumbling.

"Be careful Reve," Kai suddenly said, "You don't want to turn the..." It was too late. Reve had somehow managed to push the big button that turned the Santa Claus decoration on, causing himself to get hit in the face by Santa's sack, and subsequently, fall backwards, ladder and all.

"...Santa Claus on... I'd take it you've been very naughty this year for him to whack you like _that_."

Reve, however, was out cold.

"Oh great..." Elpizo said miserably, "We lost another one..." Quirky and Leviathan quickly got the ladder off of Reve and carefully carried him into the nice warm house of warmth, chicken noodle soup, and aspirin. A green-haired Newman with a waffle-cone on his head, who was obviously Waffle, waved at the three whilst laying down on the couch. He then reached for the tissue box to get a tissue, sniffling as he did so. Sadly, the box was too far away from him, and he slid off the couch and landed with a thud. Quirky and Leviathan were somewhere else in the house, thus unable to help the poor boy. Waffle then stretched his arm outward and managed to grab the precious box, and pulled it down to the floor with him, sneezing immediately afterwards.

Now, to those of you who are wondering just what happened to Waffle, it's quite simple: Rudolph started singing right in Waffle's ear, scared the daylights out of him, he got smacked with the head elf's toolbox ( it was made of cardboard, by the way), and promptly went sliding off the roof, and landed face-first into gobs of snow. And the poor thing got buried in more thanks to some random CAST with a snowblower. Oh, and I almost forgot... Waffle took the decorations with him.

_Later..._

"You absolutely, positively, sure you're fine?" Kai asked, as Reve was busy fixing whatever was wrong with Rudolph and the head elf, having recovered from the accident. "Yes, I'm fine," Reve replied through gritted teeth, "Now leave me alone, Human!"

"Okay okay. Sheesh... Sarisa, anything to report?"

"...If I told you that the mayor has a Santa Claus and his sleigh circling his house on tracks, like a train-set, would you believe me?" Sarisa asked, lowering the binoculars. Kai, Ogi, Quirky, and Leviathan were all dumb struck. Reve was tuning them all out. "A...what?" Elpizo asked in disbelief, once again snatching the binoculars and seeing for herself, "Good grief! This guy's _serious_!"

"Maybe we should just give up," Reve quickly suggested, "Please say yes..." The group stared at him in horror. "Quit?" Ogi questioned, "Never! If we go down, so be it, but we are _not_ quitting!" Quirky and Leviathan clapped their hands in agreement, dropping the Christmas lights they were holding, causing the huge mess of said lights to fall down and flatten them. Ogi looked at them and sighed, then went to work at freeing them.

Elpizo then turned to face Reve, glaring daggers at him. "Listen pal, we _are_ going to win this contest, we _are_ going to give the mayor a run for his money, and no copyright law in _Phantasy Star Universe_ is going to stop us!" she screamed, before storming off to do...whatever it is she's been doing this whole time. "Did she just steal one of Sonic's lines?" Quirky questioned, "And why is she referencing Universe? This is the Zero dimension." Ogi stared at him. "You aren't very good at catching jokes, are you?" he questioned. Quirky nodded.

_Later..._

"Think this'll work?" Kai inquired, as every single decoration was now ready to rock. "It has to!" Elpizo cried, "We didn't go through all this craziness for nothing!" Waffle was standing outside, bundled up like mad, all-the-while wearing sunglasses. Elpizo climbed down the ladder first, going to stand beside her little brother. Kai, Sarisa, and Reve soon followed, the latter looking very nervous. Everybody ( including the CASTs) followed Waffle's example and put on sunglasses. Ogi then carefully turned the power on.

And quite possibly the brightest lights ever to grace the planet, well, graced the planet, getting tons of threats from various people ( bear in mind this was at ridiculous hour in the morning; this was a test to make sure everything worked).

Now, this kind of brightness was not without its risks, as the light-bulbs all exploded, their replacement Frosty melted at an even faster rate than the last one, Rudolph blasted off like a rocket, Santa and his head elf went spinning at an incredible speed before going flying as well, and the power in the entire city went out.

"Does this mean we can quit now?" Reve asked literally a second after the whole fiasco. Everyone else lowered their heads in defeat, looking very sad. After a few minutes of drowning in their misery, they heard footsteps, and then the mayor clearing his throat. They all looked up to face him, with 'Guilty as charged' looks on their faces.

"Okay, I wanna know just _who_ is the mastermind behind this!" the mayor demanded, looking very ticked off, then he zeroed in on Elpizo, "...Never mind. I found her." He then slowly walked towards Elpizo, and she began slowly backing away. The comical scene became even more-so when the mayor let out a very, very loud scream:

"ELPIZOOOOOO!"

"That's my cue to go!" Elpizo cried, "Exit, Stage Right!" She then bolted to the right, and the mayor gave chase, screaming out all kinds of things. The two then disappeared into the horizon, while corny music played in the background, courtesy of a group of Rappies with banjos and fiddles. "...How much do you wanna bet Elpizo didn't learn a thing from this?" Kai suddenly asked, after an awkward silence. Everyone nodded in agreement. "My thoughts exactly," Ogi agreed, "She's going to try this again next year..."

"...Well, now that we've obviously been disqualified from the contest, can we play ping-pong?" Leviathan asked hopefully, looking at Quirky. "Sure!" he agreed, clapping his hands together. As everyone motioned to go back to their homes, the sound of a spacecraft landing could be heard, and said spacecraft opened its door as everyone turned to face it, revealing a man with pointy ears and wearing a robe, though they knew this guy wasn't a Newman or even a Beast. He was something else entirely, but they weren't sure what.

The man then held his hand out towards the group, performing a salute in the form of showing his palm whilst separating his four fingers into two separate sides, obviously consisting of two fingers each. "May you live long and prosper," the Vulcan said to them, "We are grateful for your help in landing our ship so that we may repair it." He then walked back into said ship, the repairs having been done so fast, and it took off, leaving everyone dumb struck.

Reve then performed the best possible reaction: He fainted.

"That was cool." Kai muttered. Afterwards, the group dispersed, Quirky and Leviathan carrying Reve back to the teleporter so he could return home. Waffle then looked you, yes you, right in the eye and said, "Hope you enjoyed our story, don't eat too many sweets, remember that batteries aren't always included, and have a Merry Christmas!" He then walked back into his home, the story having ended.

Note: There ya go. Hope you enjoyed this, and sorry if it seemed rushed. And as for the Rappies... That's a running gag I came up with. You're most likely going to see it in every humourous story I write in this archive. Now, if you'll excuse me... *runs off screaming about cookies*


End file.
